spit that dummy, nick and sarah jensen!

Ah yes, Nick and Sarah Jensen. Two hard-working, decent fundamentalist Christians who are prepared to do the least Christian thing ever to prove that they are Christians …. sounds very Westboro Baptist, doesn’t it. It’s been a while since we’ve quite seen a dummy spit of this calibre in Australia, but I say, “Good on you, Nick and Sarah. Good on you for standing tall in the face of, now, international criticism and mockery for blind faith stupidity. If dummy spitting were an Olympic sport, I swear you’d take home so many medals that it would make Thorpey have a hissy fit!”

(Note from the Author: Err, sorry about that Thorpey, I don’t actually think you have hissy fits. Just trying to make a point.)

Anyway, by now you’ve probably heard about Nick and Sarah Jensen’s threat that they will hold the Australian Government to ransom by divorcing after ten years of marriage if they, you know, give the gays the same rights and privileges that said Jensens currently enjoy. If you have been living under a rainbow coloured rock over the past week or so and have not a clue on such matters of incredulity, check out the article originally published in the Canberra City News. Go on, the rest of us can wait ’til you’re done.

Yes, the Jensens have been widely derided by the international media, and (quite deservedly) made a mockery of. Even sadder is that some people have written lovely articles trying to reason with the Jensens. I say sad, becasue it’s a complete waste of time trying to reason with people like the Jensens. Fundamentalist Christians have a very narrow view of the world. They tend to surround themselves with other faithful with just as limited a world view as theirs. They cherry pick those phrases in The Bible that they consider relevant to the exclusion of those they don’t. Then demand that everyone conform to their limited view with no exception. Argument and debate with these people is like trying to talk sense to members of the Westboro Baptist Church: a futile waste of words and time. We should just be ignoring them and getting on with treating all people with decency and equality.

Fortunately, many good Australian Christians, particularly in the young, have expressed their support for marriage equality. They eagerly await the day that they too can (fabulously) celebrate at their first (fabulous) gay wedding of their friends and family members. Because, you know, they choose to love their neighbours, and judge them not, lest they be judged by the same standards. And that they know that they are going to have a fabulous time.

I think even more fortunate is that by threatening Australians about their pending divorce should marriage equality get the go ahead, it would only be like waving a red rag to a bull. Tell Australians in no uncertain terms that they have to do something, and we are pretty much bound by national identity to do exactly the opposite. I can only imagine the swing towards supporting marriage equality purely becasue people won’t be told by these numpties what to do. And let’s face it, we have a history of it.

Ned Kelly was told to stop robbing. And shooting. Did he? No. That neck saw a noose for a tie. When the gold miners of Ballarat were told they needed to pay ever more expensive licenses to the coffers of the government, in a Eureka moment they built a stockade. And said, “Nah, mate. You’re having a go.” When the UNHCR issued repeated statements about the Australian (Howard/Rudd/Gillard/Abbott) Government’s handling of asylum seekers and children in detention, well then the only thing they could do was make conditions worse and potentially breach our Human Rights obligations. ‘Cause no one is gunna tell us what to do!

So spread your silliness and your vitriol, Nick and Sarah. Tell us what to do, Nick and Sarah. And we shall respond in kind. The day marriage equality becomes law in Australia (and it is coming) I look forward to seeing how you get on in the Family Law Courts. Methinks they will be none too impressed with this sort of shenanigans entering their court rooms.

Unless, of course, Nick and Sarah know all of this, and are using some sort of subversive reverse-psychology on us because they secretly love the gays and want to attend their first fabulous event too.

*gasp* Ooooh, well played, fundamentalist Christians, well played indeed.


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