the oxley moron cometh

We gave them Kylie Minogue. And they were grateful.

We gave them Peter Andre. And they never complained.

We gave them Jason Donovan, and hoped they wouldn’t notice.

We gave them Neighbours, and kept our actors and reality television wannabes in work.

We gave them The Ashes, because we felt a wee bit sorry for them.

And now we give them … Pauline Hanson.

Yes, the Ipswich Witch is leaving the Fish & Chip shop and making her way across the waves to the Mother Country.

Why? Because she feels that the Merry Old Land Of Aus is no longer the ‘Land Of Opportunity’. So she is packing up her troubles in her kitt bag and abandoning the life that she knew, a land where immigration has gone crazy, letting in her long time foes, the Asians and now, the Muslims.

Let me see … what a land of opportunity it has been for Pauline Hanson. Pauline Hanson rose to the level of the Member of Oxley in the Australian Federal Parliamentary system, where she was freely given the opportunity to criticise Asian immigration (in her infamous maiden speech to Parliament), Aboriginal support benefits, Muslim immigration, and send race relations in Australia into a very dark place. Well done on taking up that opportunity Pauline!

Pauline Hanson led her own political party in Australia called Pauline Hanson’s One Nation, widely known to continue her extreme conservative stance on immigration and indigenous politics. Wow, once again, well done on that opportunity Pauline.

Pauline Hanson got to legitimately make one of those ‘Fellow Australians, if you are seeing me now, it means I have been murdered’ videos. Now come on, who wouldn’t be envious of one of those opportunistic moments!

Pauline Hanson made it all the way to the final of the 2004 Dancing With The Stars (known as Strictly Come Dancing in the U.K.) pipped at the post by television’s Home And Away darling and tennis missus Bec Cartwright. Now there was a waltzing opportunity right there!

Pauline Hanson was even immotalised in song. A song a tribute to her special brand of conversational style and wit. Now there, my friends, is opportunity with whipped cream and cherries on top.

Pauline Hanson was convicted and imprisoned for election fraud for dishonestly obtaining property. And of course, like all good Australians in the legal system, she had the opportunity to appeal the conviction, which was … yes, overturn. Wow. Legal opportunity as well.

But above all, Pauline Hanson got to run a fish and chip shop. Like, Oh My God … all the free fish and chips that you like. You’ve got to be kidding me. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call opportunity.

Yet after a plethora of opportunities that the great wide red land of ours offers, Pauline feels the need to come to her father’s homeland. I, for one opened minded Australian, will welcome her with open arms.

I will take her to London, one of the most multicultural cities on the planet, with one of the highest immigration rates from Asia, Africa and the Middle East. I will take her to Edgware Road, Marble Arch, and have a halal shawarma with her at the local kebab shop, dine in the many Muslim Turkish and Lebanese restaurants, shisha bars, and take in the rich Arabic culture.

Perhaps she could open a fish and chip shop on Edgware Road. What an opportunity THAT would be.

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