is this the part where i am meant to be sorry?

I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but it’s all about me me me!
Jennifer Saunders
Absolutely Fabulous

When two people part ways, inevitably sides are taken and lines are drawn. Uncomfortable meetings spring up in the street or cafe when you bump into the other person. “Oh yeah, sorry to hear about you and such and such.” “Oh yeah, really we should do lunch.” “Oh of course, we can still be friend too. We’ll have lunch next week some time.” “Let’s keep in touch, and not just say it but do it.” Lies, I tells ya, all blooming lies.

All the while you’re thinking to yourself, “Sweet Jesus, I promise to give up abominable sex for a month if you just strike this cretin in front of me down with an instant flash of lightning. Come on, for me old JC?

But we are living in the social networking age now.

No longer do we have to put up with our friends repeated bad choices around dinner tables and trips to the cinema. Now we have to “friend” them on Facebook as well. Before it was like, thank god I only have to put up with that hairy little toad when I see Jane. But of course, Jane is now drunkenly crying on my shoulder repeatedly blurring out the words bastard and small penis, and reading out the twenty text message continuing arguement on her phone from hairy little toad for the fifth time becasue I really didn’t get what a bastard he is the first four.

And yet only a few weeks before this was the love of her life, and wouldn’t it be great if I added toad as my friend to my account. *internal groan*

Like many that have gone before Jane, I once again have been confronted with the dilemma of what to do with “the ex” of someone that I really didn’t care for in the first place. As I list my friends on Facebosok, I think … when is it appropriate to cut this loser off? See, I am now put into the position of looking like I am taking sides, and being just as bitter and twisted and the previously mentioned Jane. I am now the one who becomes completely heartless and has taken her side. I am the one who doesn’t care that little toady has a broken heart that I have now added my own special brand of torment and emotional anguish. When the truth is … I never really liked you in the first place and only added you so as not to be rude to my friend who is living under the misaprehension that you are a prince under the several layers of warty toadiness.

I may be completely uncompassionate and callous, but I’d never in a million years want to publicly appear that way.

So while my finger wavers over the “delete” button, I also realise that hairy little toad is all of a suddenly leaving comments on posts that Jane has left, and is actually desperately trawling through the photos in my account looking for any torrid evidence against Jane that she has moved on to yet another hairy little cretin that will inevitably get pushed to the curb in a repetitive cycle.

Why the hell have I been dragged into this rather boring re-run episode of Days Of Our Lives?

Fortunately, as I get older … I don’t give a shit.

Delete.

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