eine minute, bitte!

Ahh, lush, verdant Hertfordshire. It’s sunny outside? Yeah, give it five minutes.

On my usual stroll up the road to Tesco’s supermarket I saw lots of people out and about, each with there own personal expressions of style expressed, strangely enough, through their rather expressive umbrellas.

Oh there were clear plastic ones with little pink plastic ears on top and a furry bunny’s face painted on the side. Rather dashing for a labourer in dusty overalls. There were Scottish Tartans flaring skyward, stubbing their noses at England Imperialism. And of course the standard black fair of the moderate English folk blending into the background.

I, who was umbrellaless, ducked into a shopfront while the afternoon rain storm took a quick dash over my path between said supermarket and current abode. Standing there thinking about the stereotypes of English weather, I noticed a rather smart older lady carrying one of the standard issues black brollies. But closer inspection revealed coloured tips on each of the black panels. Ooh, look at you sweetheart, with your restrained sense of outward expression.

There were all the colours of the rainbow running the edges of the umbrella; red to yellow to orange to blue to violet to indigo back to red.

Hang on a minute!

Eine Minute, bitte!

Une minute, s’il vous plaît!

Yes, I know what you are all thinking about that rainbow trim. I too was completely abhorred by the way this female was wantonly flaunting her personal life choices in my face.

I mean here was a woman showing absolute disregard for the visible electromagnetic spectrum and touting yellow between red and orange. Excuse me darling, but that sort of thing is just not on around here.

Was she suffering from some rare colour blindness affected by less than 1% of her entire gender? In which case, quick, kill her before she breeds. Is she some dullard with no understanding of the colour spectrum? In which case, she’s dim, so kill her before she breeds. Or is it something more sinister, that she vehemently opposes the work of Issac Newton and believes that yellow has a right to be places between red and orange even though it’s wave length frequency has it placed numerically between orange and green? People of this kind are the most subversive, and yes, should be killed before they breed.

Next thing you know they will openly be challenging society with their mismatched colour spectrum, and shall be wanting to be treated as equals. They will be asking for the same sort of rights. Can you imagine a world where these anti-Newtonists will expect to be able to marry other anti-Newtonists? Even allowed to have children and adopt, spreading more dissension amongst the people? What ever will they challenge next? That the earth is not the centre of the universe, but moves in an orbit around the sun? Sheer Madness.

Kill ’em before they breed, I say!


One thought on “eine minute, bitte!

  1. Could of used ANY umbrella Tuesday night. Got caught in a downpour walking home from dinner. I’ve never been so soaked in my life, including the times I’ve dove into the pool!

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