universal truths

Allow me a few generic, self evident observations, if you please, that cross the boundaries of nation and language.

1. Wherever there are teenagers, surliness will follow. This can be observed in the countless shopping centres and malls across the known universe, the natural habitats of the teenager. The propensity for the length of how low the bottom lip will drag upon the ground can be determined to the relative distance and closeness between the teenager and;
a) a genetic parent or significant carer of undisclosed age.
b) a social event or entrapment by a genetic parent or significant carer of the teenager
to spend a free afternoon with a travelling relative of undisclosed age.
c) the general surliness of other teenagers within their social heirachy.

2. Gather a group of elderly people together who are known for their skills in amateur horticulture in a small space of owned real estate and there they shall muse upon the virtues of too much or too little water and the benefits of composting ones own produce. Each in his own turn will take the lead in extolling these virtues while the others sample the supply from the surrounding amateur horticultural produce and nods their heads and grunt in agreement.

3. Where there is love, surely there will always be food. That where there is kosher turkey bacon, the mere presence of an international traveler will allow a blinded eye to turn towards the bellied of the swine, and crispy goodliness will ensue. That where there is the hearth in the kitchen of one’s grandmother or grandmother’s sister, or grandmother’s cousin, one shall be made to feel like home and have an extended stomach from rich and sugary delights that requires many a fastening button to be loosened or a leather strap moved a few notches down. The even the most culinary challenged of pious Jewess from the newest of Jerseys will have a local establishment in fast food set in the number one position of speed dial on a telephone device, lest you belly not feel extended enough.

4. That the word family bares only a passing resemblance to the word relative. One describing a genetics state of similarity in breeding, the other a single or group of individuals that will accept you into their homes and their hearts, and give you comfort and succour without a thought of payment or other form of recompense.

5. That in every life a little rain will fall. And that one’s definition of “little” may need to be re-evaluated in New York in June, or Estonia in July. The redefinition of “summer” also falls into this category.

6. Give a man a simple beat to follow he will tap his foot in rhythm. Give a man a simple melody to listen to and his through his lips will he hum along, regardless of how afflicted he may be with some deafness of tone. Allow a man to grow his hair down to his waist in length, and you can guarantee he will swirl it about fervourently and shake it to and fro, whilst listening to the screeching of guitar strings and vocal chords, all the while donning his favoured garb all in the shade of black.

7. That while one man struggles with the cost of the journey and the next step of the way, that another will read the stories of this as an adventure, and long to pursue such a challenge themselves.

I’ll stop blathering on now.

And no, I am not drunk.

Slightly hung over …. maybe … but definitely not drunk.


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